Weekend Wonder

It’s time for a Weekend Wonder! Hope you’re enjoying your weekend so far, and I hope you have had a chance to share your stressors (and your words of encouragement) in a family journal with your family! If you haven’t had a chance to create a family journal, try to make that happen and let me know how it goes.

I had a stressful day and after playing this video, I feel so much better. I STARTED GIGGLING! Here is the link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L49VXZwfup8

This definitely cheered me up! Such cute babies!!!

If giggling babies aren’t your thing, what kind of videosdo work to cheer you up when your stressed? Post your links here!

Q&A Friday

Which of the qualities of managing stress and crisis effectively have been strengths in your family?

In my family, it is easy to find solutions to our problems when we talk about them. We also like to support each other. My parents are very open minded. Every time we have problems, we have a conversation and talk about how to deal with the problems together. For example, when my grandmother was ill, everybodywas very busy working. My family members were quiteemotional at the time, trying to figure out how to take turns taking care of my grandmother. She needed to be taken care of 24 hours.

Initially, we had to cool off before we could problem solve because we all felt too angry to talk calmly about my grandmother’s care. Eventually, we had a familymeeting to schedule time with my grandmother. My uncle said he could take two days off that week. My father thought he could come to visit Wednesday to Saturday after 5 pm. My aunt said she could prepare every lunch for my grandmother. I could come to visit every morning, and for the rest of time when none of us could be there, we decided to hire a social worker to help. We made a list and put everybody’s schedule on the list.

During our family meeting, we defined the problem and stuck to the topic and did not argue with each other.We also used effective communication by respectingeach other’s point of view, paying attention and listening.My family members worked together to come up with as many possible solutions as we could. Once the solutionwas decided on, we committed to it and supported each other.

We did a great job of taking good care of my grandmother, and after one month, my grandmother got back to her healthy self. We looked at this challenge and saw it as an opportunity for growth. This experience made me proud of my whole family, especially of how we effectively managed this crisis.

A Thousand Word Thursday

     This is a picture of my family and my friends at Universal Studios. I have a lot of stories from before and after they came to visit me. We were very excited about being together, but my parents and I kind of struggled to prepare for this trip. They are very busy and it was hard for them to make the time. But they wanted to visit me because I didn’t get chance to go back to China this year. At the same time, I was busy working on my final project and trying to find a job. I was kind of stressed about their visit from the very beginning.

     When Chinese people come to the U.S., it is very complicated. I helped my parents apply for their visas, completing all of the documentation because of the language barrier. They had to make an appointment in Shanghai for the embassy interview. Fortunately, they passed the interview and received their visas and passports. Then I booked their flight and wrote very specific instructions about how to transfer planes in the airport and how to order food while they were in flight. I wrote the instructions in English and Chinese, in case they needed help. My parents started practicing their English everyday, before they came. I also made a very detailed schedule of the trip.

     After they arrived here, for the first week, everybody was tired. I got up at 7 am to pick them up in the hotel and travel into the city. They wanted to see more of America, but at the same time they were still jet lagged. After dinner, when I took them back to hotel, I started working on my project and looking for job postings.

     The good part about this experience was that everything seemed to work out pretty well. Our schedule changed many times. The car had problems, and the hotel had issues. But always, we were able to find solutions. I think we managed stress and crisis very effectively! Specifically, we felt it is important to accept the things we could not change. We also worked together to solve difficult problems and supported each other. And we looked at challenges as opportunities for growth. What a wonderful experience!

Wisdom Wednesday

     I want to share two resources that might help you and your family members manage stress and crisis effectively. Coping With Change will provide you withideas for coping with change, explain why coping with change is so important, and discuss a framework that you can use to deal with change more effectively. I like this site because this simple transactional model of stress and coping helps you to look objectively at the change situation you're experiencing and to analyze what you can do to respond to it effectively.

     Tips for Managing Stress will give you and your family members tips for learning how to manage stress. It takes time and effort to learn these important skills. After practicing a few of these skills, I think you couldlimit the harmful effects of stress, while maintaining life's quality and vitality.

      I hope these sites will be helpful to you. As always, you can learn more by visiting the websites directly. Enjoy!

Try-It Tuesday

This week’s ritual is intended to enhance the effective management of stress and crisis (DeFrain & Stinnett, 2008). Specifically, it is intended to help family members 1) work together to solve very difficult family problems and 2) allow crises to help make our relationships strong, two qualities of managing stress and crisis effectively. Other qualities of effective management of stress and crisis focus on understanding it is important to change the things we can, trying not to worry too much because things usually work out OK, facing daily issues confidently, supporting each other, and changing our plans to meet changing circumstances. In addition, families who can effectively manage stress and crisis find something good usually comes from a crisis and find that crises make them stick closer together.

      As emerging adults, we often struggle to balance school, work, personal relationships and other responsibilities. We don’t always share our stressors with family members. Also, we don’t always pay attention and respond to the stressors experienced by our family members. It may seem there’s nothing you can do about stress. The bills keep coming. The chores are never ending, and family responsibilities can be demanding. But you have more control than you might think, even amidst a crisis.

      This week, the ritual I want you to try with your family members will help youbetter manage your daily stress. Keeping a family journal is a great way to keep a record of your stressors, write about your thoughts and emotions, and problem solve with your family members. You can share what you are thinking and what worries you, and your family members can help you cope. Likewise, a family journal keeps you informed of your family members’ stressors and gives you the opportunity to support them. A family journal can help you build strong relationships with your family members. It can help you and your family members identify the stressors in your lives and the way you cope with them as a family and also help you stay connected with each other.

      For this ritual, if you and your family members live together in the same household, you can keep a hard copy of a journal in a central location where everybody can access it. Blank journals can be found in bookstores or ordered online,There are many to choose from, but a simple notebook works just as well.

      If, like many emerging adults, you do not live with your family members, you can use an online journal for everyone to access. Create a private Facebook group for your family journal or use a blogging site, such as LiveJournal, Blogger, Blogspot, or Online Diary Penzu. Registration is free; generally you are required to fill in a short form.You can create the look and background of your online family journal by using free templates. Most of these sites will allow you to customize who can read and write in your family journal.

      Invite your family members to participate. Explain you want to keep a family journal to help better manage daily stressors and unexpected crises as they arise within the family. Complete an entry explaining the purpose of the family journal and share some of your own stressors in the family journal. Ask your family members to take a look. Make sure you tell your family members they can post their own stressors and requests for help in the family journal. You also want to ask them to write down words of encouragement or even suggestions for alleviating the stress others in the family may be feeling.

  If you or your family members are not sure how to begin your family journal, the following steps might be helpful:

1. Think about what is causing you stress and describe the stressor in a short entry to help your family members understand it.

2. Include how you feel both physically and emotionally.

3. Write about your own response to the stressor and what you have done to make yourself feel better.

4. If you have a specific request for help, include it as well.

5. Read your other family members’ entries. Think about what you can do to help. 

Sometimes a few words of encouragement may be all you can offer; other times, you can offer concrete assistance.

Whenever you write in the family journal, find a quiet time and place to do your writing.

If you or your family members are still not sure how to begin, these prompts might help you get started:

Lately, I feel stressed by…

I tend to deal with my stress by…

Sometimes I get angry when…

Sometimes I resent…

If I could change anything about my life right now, it would be…

One thing that would make my life better is…

I am really worried about…

I don’t know what to do about…

I could use some help with…

You or some of your family members might have difficulty knowing what to say to each other, especially as you first get started with your family journal. It will likely get easier, but you might try these encouraging phrases as you begin:

I'm proud of you because…

I am most grateful for your ability to…

I know you will make the right decision because…

I believe in you because…

      It may be important to set up some rules for your family journal. Blaming each other for various stressors or crises, complaining about each other, or getting into a written argument within the journal will not be helpful. You also might need to suggest when your family members should add their thoughts to the journal, to give this ritual a predictable rhythm and to keep it going. For example, you might encourage them to check the family journal on a weekly basis, maybe on a particular night of the week.

      Whatever stress you might be experiencing, you can write it down and share it with your family members in a family journal. Ideally, your family journal will help you build stronger relationships as you face your stressors together and work together to solve difficult problems.

      Once you have started your family journal, don’t forget to come back and share your experience here! Who participated in the family journal? Did you use a physical journal or an online family journal? Which qualities of effective management of stress and crisis were present as you and your family shared your journal? What was the most interesting thing you learned about yourself and your family? What surprised you the most about your family’s feedback? What do you think of your family’scoping strategies? Do you think you and your family will continue to write in your family journal? Why or why not?

Memorable Monday

     

    Today I am going to share my own experiences withsharing the meaningful spaces I remember with my family members. I skyped my father on Friday, which was also theChinese Lantern Festival. Lantern Festival is a traditional festival in China. Lantern Festival falls on the fifteenth day of the first lunar month. This is the first full moon of the new year, symbolizing unity and perfection. The origins ofthe Lantern Festival are related to ancient humanity's use of fire to celebrate festivals and avert disaster. Traditionally, families get together and have rice ball soup. For me, the round rice ball is symbolic of our family sitting around thetable, enjoying family time together.

     When we skyped, my father shared his memories withme of when we lived in a small apartment. I was 5 years old, and at the time, the living standard was very low. If it wasraining outside, our apartment leaked water inside. My momused bowls and buckets to hold all the water. I told him Iremembered some of the times we had to get up and move all the furniture to keep everything dry. The three of us slept in one bed together and listened to the music of the rain.

     In our community, five families had to share one big kitchen and one big restroom. For me, those spaces were the best places ever because my parents and I did everything together. Our hearts were so close to each other. Also, all five families had very good relationships with each other, Sometimes, we cooked together and had dinner together likeone big family. I miss that place and that time. People were friendly and things seemed simple to me. We struggled, but we had a place we called home and that home was like a sanctuary to us.