This week’s ritual is intended to enhance the effective management of stress and crisis (DeFrain & Stinnett, 2008). Specifically, it is intended to help family members 1) work together to solve very difficult family problems and 2) allow crises to help make our relationships strong, two qualities of managing stress and crisis effectively. Other qualities of effective management of stress and crisis focus on understanding it is important to change the things we can, trying not to worry too much because things usually work out OK, facing daily issues confidently, supporting each other, and changing our plans to meet changing circumstances. In addition, families who can effectively manage stress and crisis find something good usually comes from a crisis and find that crises make them stick closer together.
Whenever you write in the family journal, find a quiet time and place to do your writing.
You or some of your family members might have difficulty knowing what to say to each other, especially as you first get started with your family journal. It will likely get easier, but you might try these encouraging phrases as you begin:
It may be important to set up some rules for your family journal. Blaming each other for various stressors or crises, complaining about each other, or getting into a written argument within the journal will not be helpful. You also might need to suggest when your family members should add their thoughts to the journal, to give this ritual a predictable rhythm and to keep it going. For example, you might encourage them to check the family journal on a weekly basis, maybe on a particular night of the week.
As emerging adults, we often struggle to balance school, work, personal relationships and other responsibilities. We don’t always share our stressors with family members. Also, we don’t always pay attention and respond to the stressors experienced by our family members. It may seem there’s nothing you can do about stress. The bills keep coming. The chores are never ending, and family responsibilities can be demanding. But you have more control than you might think, even amidst a crisis.
This week, the ritual I want you to try with your family members will help youbetter manage your daily stress. Keeping a family journal is a great way to keep a record of your stressors, write about your thoughts and emotions, and problem solve with your family members. You can share what you are thinking and what worries you, and your family members can help you cope. Likewise, a family journal keeps you informed of your family members’ stressors and gives you the opportunity to support them. A family journal can help you build strong relationships with your family members. It can help you and your family members identify the stressors in your lives and the way you cope with them as a family and also help you stay connected with each other.
For this ritual, if you and your family members live together in the same household, you can keep a hard copy of a journal in a central location where everybody can access it. Blank journals can be found in bookstores or ordered online,There are many to choose from, but a simple notebook works just as well.
If, like many emerging adults, you do not live with your family members, you can use an online journal for everyone to access. Create a private Facebook group for your family journal or use a blogging site, such as LiveJournal, Blogger, Blogspot, or Online Diary Penzu. Registration is free; generally you are required to fill in a short form.You can create the look and background of your online family journal by using free templates. Most of these sites will allow you to customize who can read and write in your family journal.
Invite your family members to participate. Explain you want to keep a family journal to help better manage daily stressors and unexpected crises as they arise within the family. Complete an entry explaining the purpose of the family journal and share some of your own stressors in the family journal. Ask your family members to take a look. Make sure you tell your family members they can post their own stressors and requests for help in the family journal. You also want to ask them to write down words of encouragement or even suggestions for alleviating the stress others in the family may be feeling.
If you or your family members are not sure how to begin your family journal, the following steps might be helpful:
1. Think about what is causing you stress and describe the stressor in a short entry to help your family members understand it.
2. Include how you feel both physically and emotionally.
3. Write about your own response to the stressor and what you have done to make yourself feel better.
4. If you have a specific request for help, include it as well.
5. Read your other family members’ entries. Think about what you can do to help.
Sometimes a few words of encouragement may be all you can offer; other times, you can offer concrete assistance.
Sometimes a few words of encouragement may be all you can offer; other times, you can offer concrete assistance.
Whenever you write in the family journal, find a quiet time and place to do your writing.
If you or your family members are still not sure how to begin, these prompts might help you get started:
Lately, I feel stressed by…
I tend to deal with my stress by…
Sometimes I get angry when…
Sometimes I resent…
If I could change anything about my life right now, it would be…
One thing that would make my life better is…
I am really worried about…
I don’t know what to do about…
I could use some help with…
You or some of your family members might have difficulty knowing what to say to each other, especially as you first get started with your family journal. It will likely get easier, but you might try these encouraging phrases as you begin:
I'm proud of you because…
I am most grateful for your ability to…
I know you will make the right decision because…
I believe in you because…
It may be important to set up some rules for your family journal. Blaming each other for various stressors or crises, complaining about each other, or getting into a written argument within the journal will not be helpful. You also might need to suggest when your family members should add their thoughts to the journal, to give this ritual a predictable rhythm and to keep it going. For example, you might encourage them to check the family journal on a weekly basis, maybe on a particular night of the week.
Whatever stress you might be experiencing, you can write it down and share it with your family members in a family journal. Ideally, your family journal will help you build stronger relationships as you face your stressors together and work together to solve difficult problems.
Once you have started your family journal, don’t forget to come back and share your experience here! Who participated in the family journal? Did you use a physical journal or an online family journal? Which qualities of effective management of stress and crisis were present as you and your family shared your journal? What was the most interesting thing you learned about yourself and your family? What surprised you the most about your family’s feedback? What do you think of your family’scoping strategies? Do you think you and your family will continue to write in your family journal? Why or why not?
Sounds like a good practice and advice on family activities. I might try it once I get back with my family in China.
ReplyDeletePressure and stress come from every corner of life. Usually, I prefer to release it in a positive way. Share your worries with your family members, and do some physical exercise together (even the shopping)! Just remember, you are not the only one and you are not facing the most difficult thing in the world. You still have a bright future if you can deal with the current 'bad' situation. On the other hand, I like to encourage others because when I say something to others, I believe in what I am saying. When I read or hear something maybe helpful, I will keep them in mind and share with family.
ReplyDeleteYou always do a great job to encourage all your friends:)
DeleteIt depends on different situations. Most time I'd like to solve problem by myself. Sometimes I'd like to share opinion with my father, caz I know he can support me. I do not like discuss my situation with my mom most time, caz I don't want her worry.
ReplyDelete--BY Irene
Usually when I was stressed, I found several ways to deal with it: sing out loud, go to the gym, or listen to piano music or other kinds of soft music. They will help me to stay positive and regain the strength. I don't like to share my stress with my family because I don't want them to worry about me. I like your idea to keep a family journal...............by maigao
ReplyDeleteI used the family journal with my siblings online through Facebook. We were able to understand each other better in how each of us felt individually about the problems we had throughout the family. We vocally talked about issues and collaboratively thought of solutions that we could work to add to our family structure. We were much more supportive of each other when we had to actively face family stressors. It has become much easier when we have an outlet and we know that when we share our feelings and concerns the other siblings will be open to listen and give feedback through this online journal. I learned that a lot of my siblings can offer a lot more advice and support then I ever really realized. Most of us have been blaming each other and carrying our burdens on our own when it’s much more effective to discuss them with one another. My family tends to not take responsibility for problems or take action, so this journal has really helped us realize that there are much more effective ways to deal with stressor in the family than the ways we have been using in the past. I hope that this journal continues in the family, I know it seems time-consuming every once in a while when our schedules get busy but in the long run if we can take a few minutes here and there to talk and listen to one another I feel this journal will continue to be beneficial. ~Meg Hogan
ReplyDeleteHope you enjoy your family journal:)
Deletesharing worries with families is always a good way to release stress.
ReplyDeleteI created a Facebook page in which my family members and I could all post the things we wanted to talk about and share. It consisted of my two brothers, my sister, my mom, my sister in law, brother in law, and me. Due to the fact that we don't see each other on a daily basis it was easier to create this through Facebook. The number one quality that I saw present was working together to solve family problems. We we were able to work together on issues where one person was conflicted and the rest of us weren't. We saw this as an opportunity to come together in order to help the family out as a whole. I learned that my family and I for the most part approached different stresses in different manners. I know my family pretty well and the way they usually go about handling issues, however through this online journal I was able to see there thought process on certain situations and the way they felt when others shared their opinions. I thought this aspect of the journal was quite interesting and I believe I learned a lot through it, especially for my in laws who I don't know nearly as well as my immediate family. What surprised me the most was the rate at which everyone responded. There was feedback from everyone in a short time frame which was shocking to me. At first I thought some of my family members would've been hesitant to contribute but this was not the case at all. I think the way we effectively coped through the few issues we discussed was to constantly reinforce the positive of the situation at hand, and when some had trouble doing so the rest of us helped them out. Even though this online journal hasn't even been up for 48 hours we have all contributed a lot and it looks like we will continue to do so for the time being. It is yet another way to keep us all connected and close.
ReplyDeleteIt was great that your family can work together to solve family problems by using Facebook page. Hope you continue to do this family ritual:) enjoy！
DeleteI found your post to be very interesting. I've always been kind of a loner and a "home-body" so I've always considered my home to be my sanctuary. No matter what's going on in my life or how streeed I am, my home has always been a place of peace and happiness for me. whenever i'm having a rough day all I want to do is go home, talk to my mom and then go to my room. My mother often asks me what the heck I even do in my room for hours at a time and truthfully up until this week I never had a reply for her. After reading your post I decided to write down some descriptive words that describ how I feel when I'm off in my own world in my room. The list of words included: safe, warm, connected with family, calm, peaceful, and inspired. I was suprised to hear her say she agreeed. she admitted to feeling the most calm and happy when shes safely at home. I was so surpised that sharing something so little could bring us together and help us feel a little more connected to each other. It's nice to know that we really have a lot in common and it's nice of course to not have her thinking I'm just wierd!
ReplyDeleteI like what you described, home is safe, warm, connected with family, calm, peaceful, and inspired.
DeleteOn tuesday i created an online journal for my husband and i, he is currently over seas in the Army and i cannot join him for a few more months, so i felt doing this strategy to help lessen stress and problems could benefit us tremendously. It has only been the third day of our journal and it is already working for us. Since tuesday my husband and i have been each taking our own time out of the day to write our daily stressors and then to answer each others with some positive feed back. I saw major qualities and feed back from this strategy we were able to problem solve and help each other get through stressful times. By using this strategy i have learned sometimes it is easier to communicate by writing, here is where we can express our true feelings with no other arguments, and more understanding. I was surprised to see how well that my husband did with this, he told me not only did it help him open up with all of his daily stressors and give him a place to get them all out, but he was also able to help me with mine. This has become a great strategy for us and we are going to continue to use our online journal together. -Abby Ratesic
ReplyDeleteIt is ture, sometimes it is easier to communicate by writing! Love to read your comment! Hope you can continue to write your journal!
DeleteStress is a huge issue that my family deals with. It's often extremely difficult for my mother and I to vocalize our issues with one another and that causes the both of us to build up stress, which causes us to fight even more. This is an extra credit assignment for my class, but I also feel like this really helped my mother and I's relationship and also helped us work through our issues together without confrontation. This family journal was specifically for me and my mother. We used a written journal, but we each had our own and then we would call each other and talk about what we wrote down. We figured out that writing down our feelings and thoughts was extremely effective for relieving our stress until we were both able to talk about it on the phone. The most interesting thing that I learned about my mother and I is that we both get stressed about similar things, and also we both hide our stress until we break. With this journal, it is so much easier for us to get along and talk about our issues with one another. My mother was very understanding when it came to me expressing my thoughts and feelings about our relationship and fights; she also felt the same way I did about it all. Both me and my mother's coping strategies were horrible because we bottled up our emotions until we ended up blowing up on each other, which is not healthy. Now we have an awesome way to cope with our stress by writing everything down then talking about it so we are less hostile when we talk about our issues. I think that me and my mother will continue to write in our journals so we can continue our new improved relationship.
ReplyDeleteI can't agree more. Like you said, writing down your feelings and thoughts was extremely effective for relieving your stress until they were both able to talk about it. I think writing itself is a great way to manage our stress.
DeleteMy sister and I know a lot about stress and the affects it has on our relationship so, we decided to keep a journal together. We kept a journal in our room on our desk in between our beds with a pen so that we could write whenever we wanted to. I found that it really helped me out to manage my stress just to write about it and get it out. It also helped when my sister would realize that a specific day had been rough and to respond to it, she'd do something nice for me like start a load of my laundry. That actually surprised me to see that even the smallest things could make my days less stressful. The journal also helped me notice what was going on in my sister's mind so that I could know when to keep my distance or when to offer a hug or a hot tub night. I learned that when we discussed our problems even by writing them down, we could help each other solve our problems and in the end have a better relationship together. I do think that my sister and I will continue on our writing journal because it really helps to be able to "step into the other person's shoes" and see what is happening and how you can help them out.
ReplyDeleteit's fun to read your story. I like your writing journal ritual!
DeleteI have created two journals in my house. One journal between the whole family, and a second journal just between me and my brother. I have a very good relationship with my brother, sister and parents, but my brother and I particularly get on each other nerves a little bit more then anyone else in the family. For the family journal they thought it sounded a little different at first, but were more than happy to give it a try. We have a little calendar journal so that we can write notes and feedback to each other everyday. In the family journal there would be a lot of encouraging messages, or if my sister or I had a rough day we will give a little brief detail on what happened during our day. For the journal between my brother and I we have gotten a lot closer and just talk about things that might bother us, and it is nice to address the problems in the book sometimes rather then talking about it and potentially starting an argument. It has definitely helped our relationship tremendously. In the family journal my grandfather is dealing with Alzheimers, and it has been very hard on all of us. The journal is a good way to express our feelings going through everyday life. I learned that my family has a lot to say. Sometimes coming home from school or work everyone is a little quiet and tired, but now with the journal it surprised me my family has a lot more to say then I thought they would. Sometimes it is easier to write your feelings and emotions rather then talk about it. My family and I will definitely continue with these journals. I was surprised to find out how much of a difference they really make, and how much closer our family is. At first it sounded like a goofy idea to me, but trying it out has made a huge impact. - Wiliam Konstan
ReplyDeleteI am glad the journal ritual could help your relationship. I agree you said, it is nice to address the problems in the book sometimes rather then talking about it and potentially starting an argument. Also, it's true that write your feelings and emotions is easier than talk about it. Hope you enjoy your family journal and continue to do it.
DeleteStress in my family defines the relationship between me and my brother. I feel like we are in an endless competition over any and everything. We butt heads over everything and very seldom agree on anything. Even though it causes me stress sometimes and even makes me mad, I feel like that's normal. I look up to my brother and him being the oldest I grew up following him around. Now that we are older we have this weird feud between us now that I really don't understand. So I decided to try out making a journal and convinced my brother to try it out, which was kind of a hassle. None the less we did and we both agree its a great way to reveal things to each other that we both wouldn't be so willing or even thinking about discussing in person. I took advantage of my opportunity to tell my brother that even though he causes me endless stress at times when its not needed, that I care about him a lot and I would do anything for him. Which seems like a given but I've personally never had told him that and it was nice to have the opportunity to. I explained to him how I felt and why/how it stresses me out. The response I got from him and how serious he took it was actually really surprising. He explained a lot of things to me that I would have never of thought and I know I would have never of known he felt like that if it wasn't for setting up the journal. So were keeping it! I'm going to check it and respond every time I come home from college! Your idea made a difference in me and my brothers relationship and I appreciate it! - Mark Fishburn
ReplyDeleteI am glad I can help:) hope you continue to practice the journal ritual and enjoy!
DeleteStress is a major contributor in our families daily living. Everyone has somewhere to be at a different time and place, and not enough time to do it. The most stress i encounter is with my mom, so i decided to create a journal with her. Well, not quite a journal as i told her about this and we decided to email instead, it seemed to be the easiest of ways. Throughout the day if we had to say something we emailed each other and it was weird to see that my mom had so much stress in her life, things that I never considered her to be stressing over, and I also told her my problems i have throughout the day. I usually leave this information bottled up and to myself but it felt good to let het know what i was struggling with that day. She was able to help me and at the end of the day I felt less stressful because we were able to define the problems together and make them better. I think this is something my mother and I have decided to continue in doing because it relieves stress rather than keeping it bundled up. I went home this weekend, and we had such a nice weekend because we realized what each others weeks have been like and we worked together, it was almost weird to me, but i enjoyed it thoroughly.
ReplyDeleteI am happy you enjoyed the journal ritual.
DeleteI had mentioned this idea of the journal to my family, and immediately everyone agreed that we should give it a shot. As me and my brother both attend school and are away from home most of the time, we decided an online journal would work the best for us. I created a Facebook page just for my mother, father, brother and I. We all decided that we would type in the journal whenever we had spare time and had something to share with the rest of the family. It seemed that whenever I was feeling stressed or overwhelmed is when I wrote to them the most. My family has always gave me the best advice, and usually the only advice that I take, so just being able to write to them makes it feel like I’m back home with them. The journal idea couldn’t have come at a more perfect time, my family is dealing with a lot of stress and other family problems. I learned a lot about my family just by reading their post, I learned that we were all feeling the same about these problems, it made it easier to discuss and figure out a way to work through it. This journal really allowed us to express what we were feeling to one other, and help each other cope with those feelings. The journal is really such a great idea, and my family and I all plan to keep it going. Thank you so much for the great idea, I plan to use it someday when I have my own family and children too!
ReplyDeleteFacebook page is a great idea! I am glad the journal ritual made these problems easier to discuss and figure out a way to work through :)
DeleteThanks for your great advice! I believe all you said above would definitely help people ease pressure and get rid off the difficult situations.
ReplyDeleteWhile people are stuck in crisis or under heavy pressure, they tend be extremely upset and anxious. Some could not find the right way to get out of the dark days. People may hide the stressors while meeting family members, since they don't want the family who they care to worry about them. However, this probably just makes things even worse. The person who you love and care also loves and cares you; when you pretend nothing is the matter, he/she can perceive your white lies and become more helpless because he/she don't know how to help you out. Therefore, writing down your situation and concerns in a family journal would a very positive and effective method to approach a better understanding between family members. As we share our "secret headache" with each other, the family connection becomes more transparent friendly and frequent. A family journal could not only help people speak out their troubles and overcome difficulties, but enhance the relationship between family member as well. In the end, while many people pay a lot to psychologists and counselors, who are totally strangers to them, for listening to their daily stories, why don't you try to reach your families first, who are most reliable to you. It would not be that hard to write something down rather than speak face to face, and it is FREE.
You had a great idea! I can't agree more:) How about try the family journal ritual with your parent and share your thought here next time:) Hope you enjoy your reading and also thank you for your support:)
ReplyDelete