Building Family Strengths

American Family Strengths Inventory^©

Enjoyable Time Together
In our family . . .
	We have a number of common interests.
	We like to have fun together.
	We feel comfortable with each other.
	We like to give each other a chance to do new things.
	We enjoy hearing our grandparents’ stories about the past.
	We enjoy simple, inexpensive family activities.
	We like to have a place we call “home.”
	We feel strongly connected to each other.
	Hanging out together builds strong relationships.
	We have lots of good times together.
	We often laugh with each other.
	Observing family rituals and customs is important to us.
	We enjoy sharing our memories with each other.
	We enjoy having unplanned, spontaneous activities together.
	All things considered, we have adequate time for each other and we enjoy the time we share together.
Appreciation and Affection for Each Other
In our family . . .
	We appreciate each other and let each other know this.
	We enjoy helping each other.
	We like keeping our promises to each other.
	We like to show affection to each other.
	We feel close to each other.
	We like to be kind to each other.
	We like to hug each other.
	We enjoy being thoughtful of each other.
	We wait for each other without complaining.
	We give each other enough time to complete necessary tasks.
	We are able to forgive each other.
	We grow stronger because we love each other.
	All things considered, we have appreciation and affection for each other.
Communicating Effectively with Each Other
In our family . . .
	We like to share our feelings with each other.
	It is easy to cue into each other’s feelings.
	We like talking openly with each other.
	We listen to each other.
	We respect each other’s point of view.
	Talking through issues is important to us.
	We give each other a chance to explain ourselves.
	We enjoy our family discussions.
	We share jokes together.
	Putdowns are rare.
	Sarcasm is not generally used.
	All things considered, our communication is effective.
Valuing Each Other and Demonstrating Commitment
In our family . . .
	Responsibilities are shared fairly.
	Everyone gets a say in making decisions.
	Individuals are allowed to make their own choices.
	We find it easy to trust each other.
	We like to do things for each other that make us feel good about ourselves.
	We have reasonable expectations of each other.
	We allow each other to be ourselves.
	We have a high regard for each other.
	We respect the roles each of us plays in the family.
	We find it easy to be honest with each other.
	We accept that each of us has different ways of doing things.
	We build each other’s self-esteem.
	All things considered, we value each other and are committed to our well-being as a family.
Spiritual Well-Being
In our family . . .
	We have a hopeful attitude toward life.
	Our home feels like a sanctuary to all of us.
	We have a strong sense of belonging.
	We enjoy learning about our family history.
	We feel strong connections with our ancestors.
	There is a feeling of safety and security.
	We feel connected with nature and the world around us.
	We feel a strong connection with the land.
	There is a sense of peace among us.
	We believe love is a powerful force that keeps us together.
	We benefit in many ways from our belief in a higher being.
	It is easy to share our spiritual values and beliefs with each other.
	Our personal religious beliefs are compatible with each other’s.
	All things considered, we have strong spiritual connections that enhance our well-being.
Managing Stress and Crisis Effectively
In our family . . .
	A crisis has helped us to grow closer together.
	It is easy to find solutions to our problems when we talk about them.
	It is always important to change the things we can.
	We can work together to solve very difficult family problems.
	A crisis helps make our relationships strong.
	We try not to worry too much because things usually work out OK.
	We are able to face daily issues confidently.
	We like to support each other.
	Our friends are there when we need them.
	A crisis makes us stick closer together.
	We always find something good comes from a crisis.
	We find it easy to make changes in our plans to meet changing circumstances.
	We have the courage to take risks that will improve things for our family.
	We feel it is important to accept the things we cannot change.
	All things considered, we look at challenges as opportunities for growth.
Global Measures of the Family’s Strengths
In our family . . .
	We love one another.
	Life in our family is satisfying to us.
	We are happy as a family.
	All things considered, we are a strong family.
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The American Family Strengths Inventory (DeFrain & Stinnett, 2008) identifies six characteristics of strong families, including enjoyable time together, appreciation and affection, effective communication, commitment, spiritual well-being, and effective management of stress and crisis (DeFrain & Stinnett, 2008). In my Building Family Strengths class, I learned that all families have at least some of the qualities identified within each characteristic, and as I started thinking about each of the characteristics in more depth, I realized I wanted to help emerging adults enhance these characteristics within their families. I am focusing the family rituals I recommend in my blog on the six characteristics from the Inventory because they help identify specific qualities present in strong healthy families and give families who want to become stronger something to strive for.

Family Rituals

Some of you may see the word “ritual” and think of religious ceremonies (e.g., a Catholic Mass) or significant rites of passage (e.g., high school graduation). These are rituals, of course, but the focus of my blog is on the importance of rituals within families. According to Wolin and Bennett (1984), a family ritual can be defined as a repetitive patterned interaction practiced by families in various settings. Wolin and Bennett identified three types of family rituals: celebrations, traditions, and patterned family interactions. For example, family members may get together to celebrate a special event like a graduation or a wedding. Family traditions may include taking vacations to specific destinations, watching family videos together each week, singing the “Happy Birthday” song at every birthday, or having monthly father-daughter dinners. Establishing consistent rituals associated with dinner or bedtime is an example of patterned family interactions. 

Family rituals serve various functions. One such function is that rituals maintain meaningful interaction and contact among those who participate in them (Fiese et al., 2002). Meanings of rituals are shared and well known by individuals bonded together in the family’s unique microculture. Family rituals also are a symbolic form of communication, expressing family identity and defining the boundaries of the family unit (Wolin & Bennett, 1984), such as a shared understanding of expected behavior. 

I chose to emphasize family rituals in my master’s project as a way to build family strengths specifically in the families of emerging adults. My own experience has taught me that participating in special family rituals can evoke various positive feelings, bring family members closer together, and improve the overall emotional health of the family, even in emerging adulthood. This project, my blog, is a chance for me to share specific family rituals intended to help other emerging adults build their families’ strengths.

Emerging Adulthood

“Emerging adulthood” is a term coined by Arnett (2000) to identify the time between the ages of 18 and 25 years. According to Arnett, this is a distinct stage of young people’s development in the industrialized world. In the past, these young adults were quick to leave home for marriage or work ushering them directly into roles of adulthood. However, adults in this age group now tend to leave home later and often return to the parental house when their relationships do not work out well or when they cannot afford to live independently. 

The proportion of young adults living in their parents’ home has increased. Family related transitions to adulthood have fluctuated and transformed over time, especially with respect to leaving the parental home. In 1960, 77 % of women and 65 % of men had completed school, left home, become financially independent, married and had a child by the time they reached 30 (Henig, 2010). However, in 2012 only 50% of the women and 30% of the men had done so (United States Census Bureau, 2012). According to Arnett, individuals in emerging adulthood no longer take on the whole responsibility of independent living; by delaying some of the traditional accomplishments of adulthood, they give themselves (with help from their parents) the freedom to examine their life possibilities.

Most young people in emerging adulthood feel like neither adolescents nor adults, but somewhere in between. Arnett (1998) found that when asked whether they feel they have reached adulthood, most people in the 18 to 25 age range responded neither “yes” nor “no” but “in some ways yes, in some ways no”. However, financial and residential dependence in emerging adulthood creates challenges in the parent-child relationship. Parents may need to modify their parenting practices, but emerging adults also have a role to play in encouraging positive family relationships. To help manage this progression to adulthood, emerging adults themselves should actively promote and strengthen their family ties, the very purpose of this blog! 

Additional Resources

This section includes resources related to emerging adulthood, family rituals and the American Family Strengths Inventory (DeFrain & Stinnett, 2008). You may want to use these resources to seek out more information as needed. Please feel free to suggest some of your own resources as well as ask me questions as you do more research on these topics!

Alison. (2009). Family dinner questions#1. In how does she.com. Retrieved from http://www.howdoesshe.com/christmas-present-to-our-readers/

  Arnett, J. J. (1998). Learning to stand alone: The contemporary American transition to adulthood in cultural and historical context. Human Development, 41, 295–315. 

   Conceptions of the transition to adulthood in the contemporary American majority culture are examined, and compared to conceptions cross-culturally and historically. The concept of emerging adulthood is presented as a new way of conceptualizing the period between adolescence and young adulthood.

   Arnett, J. J. (2000). Emerging adulthood. A theory of development from the late tens through the twenties. American Psychologist, 55, 469-480.

    Emerging adulthood is a distinct period demographically, subjectively, and in terms of identity explorations. How emerging adulthood differs from adolescence and young adulthood is explained. A cultural context for the idea of emerging adulthood is outlined, and it is specified that emerging adulthood exists only in cultures that allow young people a prolonged period of independent role exploration during the late teens and twenties.

Conversation Starters: Age 14-100. (2014).In The Family Dinner Project. Retrieved from

http://thefamilydinnerproject.org/tag/ages-14-100

Blair, L. (2009). Tips for a fun board game night for adults. 

Retrieved from http://voices.yahoo.com/tips-fun-board-game-night-adults-4534587.html

Brett & Mckay, K. (2013). 60+ Family tradition ideas. 80 comments in fatherhood, marriage, relationships and family. Retrieved from http://www.artofmanliness.com/2013/10/16/60-family-tradition-ideas/

Connect with your family. (2014). Retrieved from http://www.thestationbernardsville.com/news/21-connect-with-your-family

Coping with change. (2014). In Mind tools. Retrieved from http://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/coping-with-change.htm

 DeFrain, J. (2006). Family treasures: Creating strong families. Lincoln: Board of Regents of the University of Nebraska.

Family Treasures: Creating Strong Families is a book for all types of individuals and families to better understand the qualities of strong families: appreciation and affection, commitment, positive communication, successful management of stress and crisis, spiritual well-being and enjoyable time together.

DeFrain, J., & Asay, S. M. (2007). Strong families around the world: An introduction to the family strengths perspective. Marriage & Family Review, 41(1), 1-10.

 Researchers have found that families are amazingly similar. The similarities point to a set of qualities that describe the characteristics of strong families. These qualities are showing appreciation and affection, commitment, positive communication, enjoyable time together, spiritual well-being, and the ability to manage stress and crisis effectively.

DeFrain, J., & Stinnett, N. (2008). Creating a strong family: American family strengths inventory. In NebGuide. Retrieved May 24, 2010, 

 from http://www.ianrpubs.unl.edu/pages/publicationD.jsp?publicationId=1099

The family strengths framework, developed as a general model for success in families, provides simple, practical guidance for building strong healthy families.

Devivo, K.(2013). Miki Devivo Photography. Love notes for your loved ones. Retrieved fromhttp://mikidevivo.com/love-notes/

Devivo, K.(2013). Miki Devivo Photography. Love notes and love lenses. Retrieved from http://mikidevivo.com/love-notes-and-love-lenses/

Field , J.(2013). On a personal note: thank you. Retrieved from http://www.hallmark.com/thank-you/ideas/how-to-write-a-thank-you-note/

 Fiese, B. H., Tomcho, T. J., Douglas, M., Josephs, K., Poltrock, S., & Baker, T. (2002). A review of 50 years of research on naturally occurring family routines and rituals: Cause for celebration? Journal of Family Psychology, 16, 381–390.

 The relative occurrence of family routines, as described in the literature, appears to follow a developmental course and is affected by the cultural environment. Family routines and rituals were found to be related to parenting competence, child adjustment, and marital satisfaction.

 Funnyplox (2013). Best babies laughing video compilation 2012. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L49VXZwfup8

 Gratigny, J.(2009). What is digital storytelling. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dKZiXR5qUlQ

 Greenberg, J.(2013). The ‘Do you knoe’ test. Retrieved from http://www.huffingtonpost.com/judith-greenberg-phd/oh-i-know-i-know_b_2919835.html?utm_hp_ref=tw

Ivolunteerstaf (2013). Funny communication skills. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ixSUBl1WNxk

 Jenna.(2013). In inspired design for your space. Creating a meaningful home: blog series. Retrieved from http://www.sasinteriors.net/2013/05/creating-a-meaningful-home-blog-series/ 

  Henig, R. M. (2010). LETTERS: What Is It About 20Somethings? New York Times Magazine, 8.U.S. 

 This article by Robin Marantz Henig is basically about how young people are taking longer to go into adult life. 

 Holly.(2014). In home style tips. Creating meaningful spaces: 5 elements to include when decorating your home. Retrieved from http://www.homestyletips.com/2013/11/29/creating-meaningful-spaces-5-elements-to-include-when-decorating-your-home/

  Kelly, S. M.(2012). 12 Funniest 'Parents Shouldn't Text' Messages of 2012. Retrieved from http://mashable.com/2012/12/19/parents-shouldnt-text-funniest/

 Kevin, J., Z.(2013). In Your Tango. Learn to write the best love notes ever. Retrieved from http://www.yourtango.com/experts/dr-kevin-zimmerman/love-notes-how-write-them-examples

 Matt.(2009). Archive for the ‘Family & Group Games’ Category. Retrieved from http://www.tips4families.com/category/family-group-games/

 Markham, L.(2014). Citing Websites. In Aha!Parenting.com. 100 Conversation Starters for Family Discussions, from http://www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/communication/family-discussions

 Milts,W,.& Milts, S.(2014). Crazy things Parents text. Retrieved from  http://crazythingsparentstext.com/

  Motley Crue performing Home Sweet Home. (1991). Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DasvuHUgUHg 

  Patti, J.(2014). In storyteller.net. Retrieved from http://www.storyteller.net/articles/160

  Sample story telling history.(2014). In chahta foundation. Retrieved from https://chahtafoundation.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/Sample-Storytelling-Questions.pdf

  Slide, C. (2012).  15 Fun & Cheap Family Game Night Ideas & Board Games. Retrieved from http://www.moneycrashers.com/family-game-night-ideas-board-games/

   Thank you poems for parents and family. (2014). In Family Friend Poems. Retrieved from http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/family/thank-you-poems.asp

   The family dinner project. (2014). Retrieved from http://thefamilydinnerproject.org/

   Tips for managing stress. (2014). In Eastern Washington University Access. Retrieved from http://access.ewu.edu/caps/selfhelp/stressmanage

    Wolin, S. J., & Bennett, L. A. (1984). Family rituals. Family Process, 23, 401–420.

     Family rituals, consisting of celebrations, traditions, and patterned family interactions, are defined and illustrated in this paper. The power of ritual practice in families is explained by three underlying processes — transformation, communication, and stabilization — concepts whose roots lie in anthropology and ethology.

   Write secret family love notes. (2012). In abundant mama.com. Retrieved from http://www.abundantmama.com/write-secret-family-love-notes/

    U.S. Bureau of the Census. (2012). Statistical abstracts of the United States: 2012 Washington, DC: Author.

The Statistical Abstract of the United States, is the authoritative and comprehensive summary of statistics on the social, political, and economic organization of the United States.

101 Conversation Starters. (2014). In Conversation Starters.com Retrieved from http://www.conversationstarters.com/101.htm

About This Project

     The purpose of this blog, my master’s project, is to empower emerging adults to positively enhance their relationships with their parents during the transition to adulthood. Based on my reading of the research and my own experiences, I think family rituals can help with this transition. Family rituals are special events or activities families repeat over and over again. They have the potential to strengthen family relationships and may be especially significant to emerging adults and their families because rituals that used to be important to the family when the emerging adult was a child may no longer hold any meaning for family members. Emerging adults can help their families identify and evaluate current rituals, modify old rituals or add new rituals to meet their changing needs. Family rituals give family members stability and a feeling of belonging that may be lacking in families during emerging adulthood.

      I want to encourage emerging adults to initiate family rituals within their families in order to enhance family strengths, specifically within the parent-child relationship. I will ask readers to initiate family rituals with their families and to provide feedback about their experiences. I will recommend a new family ritual with some possible alternatives each week, focusing on building one of the six characteristics of strong families as described by DeFrain and Stinnett (2007). 

About Me

Welcome to my blog! My name is Ying Zhu, and I was born and raised in China. I am a third year graduate student at Kent State University. Between the ages of 22 and 28, I moved five times and lived in four different cities. At age 25, I quit my job and went back to school to continue my education, moving to an entirely new country to learn a new language, a new culture and more about my new major in Human Development and Family Studies. Although not everyone moves 7000 miles, my experience during this age period is not especially unusual. 

In the spring of 2010, I heard the term “emerging adult” for the first time in my life. It was in my Lifespan Development class, and I realized I was an emerging adult myself. I felt like I was finding the answers to my life’s questions. I was so excited to learn the words that could help explain my behaviors as well as my some of the confusion I felt during that time in my life.  

When I started thinking about my master’s project, I thought about my own experiences as an emerging adult and some of the questions my emerging adults friends were asking me. Why has my life become so complicated? Why do I feel so lonely? Why don’t my parents understand me anymore? I knew I wanted to reach out to other emerging adults, and I thought I might be able to do that with a blog. Even if I couldn’t answer all their questions, I wanted to try to help other emerging adults think differently about their families. 

And I already had experience blogging! I kept a blog as an undergraduate to share experiences and feelings regarding relationships. I also blogged as a teacher to share activities and photos from my classroom with my students’ parents. Blogging has been a great way to figure out what I want to do with myself; for me writing is a path to self-discovery. I write about what interests me, and my blogs reflect my personality.

I started doing weekly family dinners when I was in China because my parents were super busy, especially my stepmother. She worked at least 55 hours a week, and my father is not a good cook! At that time, I did not know about the research demonstrating how family relationships can be improved by sitting down to dinner. I started regular family dinner because I wanted us to be a family, not just three people living under the same roof. I felt sad I did not have too many memories about our family time together. I decided to do something about it. Dinnertime seemed like the perfect solution because everyone has to eat!

I started our family dinner ritual with my parents by establishing “make your own dumpling” Friday. We had a lot of fun by experiencing the whole process of making dumplings (a traditional Chinese food). We were a great team. I was surprised that my father was so good at making dumplings. Dinner became a gift -- a way for my family members to spend happy time together. We still continued our family dinner ritual by using Skype once I left China. Even though there is a 12-hour difference, I have dinner with them while they have breakfast. We still enjoy the time together!

This blog is a way for me to help other emerging adults and their families experience the same feelings I experienced—the wonderful family time, the happiness in family life, the enjoyable time together. As an emerging adult, I want to take more responsibility in caring for all of my family members, making them smile and happy. I can’t believe how important they are and what a great family I have. I am grateful!

 I hope you will enjoy this journey, as you work on enhancing your own parent-child relationships and building family strengths. Please try some of the family rituals described in this blog with your own families. Share your thoughts in the comments about your experiences with family rituals. I’d love to know what worked for you and didn’t work for you and how family rituals have strengthened your family relationships. Also, be sure to look at the resources I’ve posted in the “Additional Resources” to see if you can learn more that might be helpful to you and your family. And, of course, please pass on the link for this blog to your friends. I look forward to building a community of emerging adults who want to experience happy family times with their parents even as grown ups!