This week’s ritual is intended to enhance commitment(DeFrain & Stinnett, 2008). Specifically, it is intended to helpfamily members 1) allow each other to be themselves and 2)respect the roles each of them plays in the family, two of the qualities of commitment. Other qualities of commitment focus on having a high regard for each other, finding it easy to be honest with each other, building each other’s self-esteem,allowing individuals to make their own choices and havingreasonable expectations of each other.
This week, the ritual I want you to try with your family is a family storytelling night. Family storytelling is an important ritual that can help build commitment. If you think about it for a moment, you may remember specific family stories and how much they mean to us. They are often inspired by old photographs or home videos. Family stories are often the ones that make your family unique. Sometimes they are meaningful messages that say something about we value as a family.
This week, once again, invite your family members toparticipate in a family storytelling night with you. As with the other rituals I’ve recommended, you’ll need to decide on a location and time that works for your family as a whole.Remember, you can always Skype or use FaceTime if you live too far away from each other to get together in person.
In your invitation, suggest your parents and other family members bring some photos or ask them send the pictures to you in advance so you print them or save them on your phoneor laptop for everyone to view. You might also encourage them to bring a favorite toy from their childhood (or from yours!) or other objects that may come with special stories!
Once your family members sit down together for thestorytelling, explain that tonight is all about the stories you have as a family. As the host, you might want to help the family get started by repeating a favorite family story you always heard growing up or sharing a photo or object to show that prompts a special memory of the family for you. If others brought photos or objects to share, you could ask them to tell the stories they remember associated with those items. Even if none of you brought anything tangible to share, family stories can be prompted with questions. Here are some questions you might consider asking, if your family members, especially your parents, get stuck:
1. What regions or countries does our family come from? What stories do you remember about those places?
2. What holidays did you celebrate when you were young? Tell a story about a specific holiday you remember as a child.
3. What special games or food do you remember from when I was a child? Tell me about a time we played a game or had a particular meal that you don’t think I’ll remember.
4. What dances or songs do you know from when you were a child? Share a story about when you first learned a new song or dance.
5. Think of a special toy or craft or recipe from our family’s past. What is the story behind it?
6. Who in our family could teach me to make our family’straditional foods or crafts? Do you remember a time when you learned a recipe or craft from that family member?
7. What traditions have been passed down in our family? Share a time when a tradition wasn’t followed by someone in the family.
8. Who in the family has been the biggest influence on your life? What lessons did that person teach you?
9. When has our family experienced a miracle?
10. What is the one story you could share that you thinkcaptures the essence of another member of the family?
As a host, you can provide the questions, but you alsomight want to ask your parents and other family members to contribute their own questions. Everybody can participate in the family storytelling. Take turns and try not to interrupt each other, though that can be hard! Give each other a chance to share different versions of the same story. This is especially important as you consider the qualities of commitment related to accepting the different ways family members do things.You might even ask each family members to share a time when they felt like their family members allowed them to bethemselves or a time when they felt their role in the family was respected. Family stories can be fun or serious, but you should tell them from your heart. We cannot love someone we do not know, and stories help us know each other better.
Before your time together ends, you may want to take a moment to talk as a family about the importance of familystories and having a special time to share them. Take some time to say what you thought about the family storytelling night too. As emerging adults we don’t always make the time to demonstrate our family commitment, to pay attention to our roles and responsibilities in the family,important qualities ofvaluing each other and demonstrating commitment.
And after the family storytelling night with your family, don’t forget to come back and share your experience here! Tell us who you invited to your family storytelling night and why, where you had family storytelling night, and how it went. Which qualities of valuing each other and demonstrating commitment were present as you and your family shared your stories? What was the most interesting thing you learned? What surprised you the most about your family’s past? How do you think your family’s stories influence the way your family is today? What is one familystory you heard that you can share here? Do you think you’ll have another family storytelling night again soon? Why or why not?
I look forward to reading about your experiences!
