Which of the qualities of managing stress and crisis effectively have been strengths in your family?
In my family, it is easy to find solutions to our problems when we talk about them. We also like to support each other. My parents are very open minded. Every time we have problems, we have a conversation and talk about how to deal with the problems together. For example, when my grandmother was ill, everybodywas very busy working. My family members were quiteemotional at the time, trying to figure out how to take turns taking care of my grandmother. She needed to be taken care of 24 hours.
Initially, we had to cool off before we could problem solve because we all felt too angry to talk calmly about my grandmother’s care. Eventually, we had a familymeeting to schedule time with my grandmother. My uncle said he could take two days off that week. My father thought he could come to visit Wednesday to Saturday after 5 pm. My aunt said she could prepare every lunch for my grandmother. I could come to visit every morning, and for the rest of time when none of us could be there, we decided to hire a social worker to help. We made a list and put everybody’s schedule on the list.
During our family meeting, we defined the problem and stuck to the topic and did not argue with each other.We also used effective communication by respectingeach other’s point of view, paying attention and listening.My family members worked together to come up with as many possible solutions as we could. Once the solutionwas decided on, we committed to it and supported each other.
We did a great job of taking good care of my grandmother, and after one month, my grandmother got back to her healthy self. We looked at this challenge and saw it as an opportunity for growth. This experience made me proud of my whole family, especially of how we effectively managed this crisis.
The strengths in my family for managing stress and crisis effectively is to walk away. Walking away is great for my family because my family do not do well when we talk about our problems. When we try to talk about our problems it leads to arguments, arguments lead to fights, fights lead to the cops being called and the cops being called leads to one of us getting arrested. Therefore we are not like other families because I garanteed if one of us tries to talk about the problem then one of us will get arrested. My family is so competitive everybody think they will win or they is always right. We do a great job at walking away because when we come back everything be good and we go right back to normal.
ReplyDeleteAs a 19 year old college aged student, I decided for the first time, I would ask my dad how he truly feels about being a parent to an adult child. He was unavailable during the time I called, so instead I talked to my stepmom. She never wanted children, so I was hesitant to ask how she felt about the situation. I told her this is for a project, and asked, "How do you feel about being the caregiver to an adult child?" I intentionally said "caregiver" because she never wanted to be a parent, so I didn't want to come off too strong. She said that the needs are different and that she wants to provide as much as she can emotionally and financially for me to have the best future. She feels that when I make mistakes, it's because she didn't teach me the right way. I tried to tell her that it's just growing up. She said, "I know you don't always listen but your father and I just try to trust that you'll do what is right in the end." I asked her what she meant by "do what's right in the end," and she said ideally she would want me to do what she says, but knows I probably won't, so as long as I can reach a conclusion one way or another, she will be happy. She feels that the older I get, the more our relationship will change. It kind of hurt to hear that because her and I never really had one; and it made me think eventually, after college, she won't want to really be involved. But she said that we are now on an equal playing field, that we can have more adult conversations, and that she is there to answer my questions and to give advice. I asked what she wanted from me in later life, and she said she wouldn't want anything, which I learned is the common answer. However, being the member as the sandwich generation, she said she feels she will provide a lot of care to her parents when the time is ready. She said the older one gets leads to more responsibility and that if one day I need to help my dad or her, she hopes that they raised me right to not be selfish and take care of them. Even though we had this conversation, I don't feel like my stepmom and I become closer. We definitely didn't have a "heart to heart," which wasn't expected. But the fact that we talked for 16 minutes on the phone, when we never talk, or text, made me feel like there was still hope to have a relationship at some point in time.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your interesting family conversation:) Hope you could use the resources I have been provided and practice with your family!
DeleteA few years ago, my grandmother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. It was kind of difficult for all of us to understand because we have had no previous history of this disease in our family. A year ago, we put her in a nursing home because we were not able to give her the 24 hour care she needed. She was doing fine until just recently when she had a seizure and since then has been going down hill very quickly. It has been a very difficult time for my family, especially my dad. We definitely all just constantly are supporting each other and talking our thoughts and feelings through, so we don't hide them inside. I think this has made us so much stronger as a family unit because we rely on each other in a different way than ever before. All my life it was my parents who were supporting me and now I am supporting them. It is an odd feeling, but definitely meaningful.
ReplyDeleteWhat a good story! You did a great job!
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