Try-It Tuesday

      This week’s ritual is intended to enhance spiritual well-being (DeFrain & Stinnett, 2008). Spiritual well-being as defined by DeFrain and Stinnett is not limited to participation in religious activities, though such participation may be important to some families. As one of the six characteristics of strong families, spiritual well-beinghas a much broader definition than you might think. It includes family membersseeing their home as a sanctuary, feeling a sense of belonging, having a hopeful attitude toward life, learning about family history, feeling connected with nature and the world around them, and believing love is a powerful force that keeps themtogether. Other qualities of spiritual well-being include finding it is easy to share spiritual values and beliefs with each other and compatible personal religious beliefs.Because the definition of spiritual well-being is so inclusive, a family can develop strong spiritual well-being without being religious in any way.

     This week’s ritual is specifically intended to help family members 1) view their home as a sanctuary and 2) gain a strong sense of belonging within their family. It involves taking or finding photos of meaningful spaces within their homes and sharing those photos with family members. For this ritual, you do not all have to get together in person, though you could, of course, to share your photos.

     Think of the home where you grew up. Was there a space in that home that was particularly meaningful for you? Or maybe a place in your childhood home that everyone always gathered? Try to find a picture of that space. If you don’t have a photo, try to take a photo of that space now. This is a way to share memories of your childhood home. If your parents live there now, you might think about whether or not you still feel a sense of belonging or sanctuary there.

     Alternatively, you might take or find a photo of a space in your current home.Think of a space in your current home that is meaningful to you, maybe a space you would like to introduce to your family members, even if they can’t visit in person.

     Once you have taken or found a photo of a space you want to share with your family members, post it on a photo site or Facebook or send it by email and ask your family members to take a look. Make sure you ask your family members to post their own photos of spaces from their childhood or current homes that are meaningful to them.

     If you or your family members want to share a space with each other, but can't find a photo of that space and don't have access to it to take a photo, consider writing a short descriptive paragraph about how that space is/was meaningful, how it provides/provided a sense of belonging in the family or makes/made your home feel like a sanctuary. Be sure to post or send the short descriptive paragraph to share with your family members.

     If you or your family members need help getting started, here are some prompts you can use to help you share your favorite spaces:

Prompts for your childhood/family home:

I've always loved this space because…

This space captures who my family is best because…

When I think about this space, I feel…

This space means a lot to me because…

Our home felt like a sanctuary to me because in this space, I could…

This space always gave me a sense of belonging in my family because…

There is nothing like staying at home with my family; in this space, I could...

A lot of memories started here because...

This space will always hold a special place in my heart because...

Prompts for your current home:

This is my favorite space in my home because…

When my parents/family members visit me, I hope we can spend time here because…

This space reminds me of my childhood home because…

When I think about this space, I feel…

This space means a lot to me because….

My home feels like a sanctuary to me because in this space, I can….

I am proud I have my own place because...

Every morning I open my eyes, look around my place and feel full of energybecause...

Every night I close my eyes, I feel safe and peaceful in my home because…

     If you’re like me, you may have moved many times in the last several years. That’s the case for many emerging adults. Maybe you have been in your own home for just few months or maybe you’ve been there for quite awhile. Maybe you live at home with your families of origin. Or maybe you live several states away from your nearest family member. Whatever your situation, you can make the spaces around you welcoming to your family and share those spaces with your family members. And whether you’re redecorating an old room or moving into a new home, as you create new spaces, you can repeat this ritual by taking new pictures and sharing them with your family members.

     After you and your family members exchange photos, don’t forget to come back and share your experience here! Tell us who you invited to participate and why and how the photo sharing went. What spaces did you and your family members share with each other? Which qualities of spiritual well-being were present as you and your family shared your photos? What surprised you the most about the spaces your family members shared? What were the most meaningful memories you shared with each other? What is one photo of a meaningful space you can share here? Do you think you will share other family photos again soon? What other themes might you encourage your family to explore with photos to enhance spiritual well-being? 

Memorable Monday

Today I am going to share my own experience with family storytelling. My parents, my boyfriend and I had a good time together during which we practiced commitment. As we shared our family stories, we talked about being able to makeour own choices and state our own opinions. We allowed each other to be ourselves, and we found it easy to be honest with each other.

I started by asking my family members a question about who in the family has been the biggest influence on their livesand what lessons did those individuals teach them? My father started by telling me a lot of stories about how his father educated him when he was my age compared with how he educated me when I was growing up. We also talked about the cultural differences in parenting styles and the influences on young adults and middle-age adults. We shared a lot of great stories and memories.

My father said they were not allowed to go against their parents when he was a child. He had to do whatever his fathertold him to do. My grandfather grew up as the top student in his class. He believed my father had to study at least ten hours a day to become a professor and work at the university. My father told my grandfather he wanted to become a diplomat,but my grandfather did not allow my father to make his own choice. The most common parenting style in China might be described as authoritarian, especially from a Western perspective. Some Americans might perceive it as controlling or restrictive, and from my reading of the research literature, I have learned that children of authoritarian parents can have lower self-esteem, be less self-reliant, and have poorer social skills. On the other hand, these same children are highlyresponsible and have a strong sense of obligation to theirfamilies. My father certainly felt responsible for his family and as a result, became a professor as his father wanted.

I shared what I had learned about American parenting with my parents. My boyfriend and I told my father that manyAmerican parents strive to use an authoritative style which generally seeks mature behavior from their children, using a warmer manner that incorporates a give-and-take andexplanations for why rules should be followed, as well asrespect for children’s viewpoints. According to the research I’ve read, their children have higher self-esteem, are moreself-reliant, and have good social skills. My boyfriend shared a story about how his parents encouraged him to become a great person, not just a teacher or a doctor, because his parents trusted he could make his own decisions. I told my father that’s why I was glad he supported me to come here to studybecause he provided me with a great opportunity to see the world. He is the biggest influence on my life. During our time together, we shared a lot stories and opinions, but did not judge or criticize each other.

Family storytelling is important in my family! It has kept us close as a family. We respect the roles each of us plays in the family, and we also allow each other to have our own opinions and make our own choices. I hope you had a great time telling stories with your family! I know I did.

Weekend Wonder

It’s time for a Weekend Wonder! Hope you’reenjoying your weekend so far, and I hope youhave had a chance to share some family stories with your family! If you haven’t scheduled a family storytelling night, try to make that happenand let me know how it goes.

In the meantime, check out this link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dKZiXR5qUlQ

As I was looking for storytelling resources, I found some examples of digital storytelling online and wanted to know more. What do you think? Is this something you might create with your family members?

Q&A Friday

As an emerging adult, when do you find it difficult to practice commitment with your family members?

I do have some difficulty practicing commitment with my family members. I am not sure of the reason, but I think maybe the difficulty is related to the culturaldifferences between American families and Chinese families. In a typical Chinese family, the oldergenerations usually don’t share their feelings or moods. When I trying to break the ice and encourage them totalk more, especially about their own feelings and thoughts, the conversation gets kind of stuck there. I amalways trying to find the right way to encourage them to share their thoughts because I think it could help me, help our family. For example, when I have a problem ora difficult time, I feel like they trust me, allow me to make my own choices, and respect me, but they willnever tell me those things. One positive way my familydemonstrates commitment is their willingness to share their stories and experiences with me. I can tell we stillhave a high regard for each other, and we like to do things for each other that make us feel good about ourselves, even though they very rarely show their emotions.  

A Thousand Word Thursdays

This is a photo of a family tradition--Applesauce-Making Day! My family and friends gathered at another friend's house. My family and friends gathered at another friend’s house and used the traditional recipes from her family. Everybody shared stories about how to make the applesauce. I also heard about the wonderful times they have every time they make applesauce together. I really enjoyed the whole process of making the applesauce, but I especially loved the family storytelling. Every family story was so unique! I’ll say it again: I love applesauce, and I love family stories!

Wisdom Wednesday

   I want to share a few resources that might help you facilitate the family storytelling ritual I described yesterday.

Sample story telling history will provide you withsome questions to start your family storytelling night. Some of the questions are simple, but you need take a while to think about some of them. You can print the questions and cut them into strips to be placed in a jar foreach family member.

Quotes about Story and Storytelling will give you a lot of quotes about how storytellers and others feel about storytelling. These quotes reinforce the idea that storytelling is a powerful ritual that can enhance family relationships.

This blog post, The “Do you know?” Test, by Judith Greenburg also might interest you. She talks about family stories helping people develop resilience and face life's challenges. Greenburg provides a lot of personal stories and experiences that demonstrate how sharingstories with family members positively impacts well-being.

I liked these sites and thought they could be helpful for inspiring a successful family storytelling night. As always, you can learn more by visiting the websites directly. Enjoy!

Try-It Tuesday

    This week’s ritual is intended to enhance commitment(DeFrain & Stinnett, 2008). Specifically, it is intended to helpfamily members 1) allow each other to be themselves and 2)respect the roles each of them plays in the family, two of the qualities of commitment. Other qualities of commitment focus on having a high regard for each other, finding it easy to be honest with each other, building each other’s self-esteem,allowing individuals to make their own choices and havingreasonable expectations of each other.

    This week, the ritual I want you to try with your family is a family storytelling night. Family storytelling is an important ritual that can help build commitment. If you think about it for a moment, you may remember specific family stories and how much they mean to us. They are often inspired by old photographs or home videos. Family stories are often the ones that make your family unique. Sometimes they are meaningful messages that say something about we value as a family.

   This week, once again, invite your family members toparticipate in a family storytelling night with you. As with the other rituals I’ve recommended, you’ll need to decide on a location and time that works for your family as a whole.Remember, you can always Skype or use FaceTime if you live too far away from each other to get together in person.

    In your invitation, suggest your parents and other family members bring some photos or ask them send the pictures to you in advance so you print them or save them on your phoneor laptop for everyone to view. You might also encourage them to bring a favorite toy from their childhood (or from yours!) or other objects that may come with special stories!

Once your family members sit down together for thestorytelling, explain that tonight is all about the stories you have as a family. As the host, you might want to help the family get started by repeating a favorite family story you always heard growing up or sharing a photo or object to show that prompts a special memory of the family for you. If others brought photos or objects to share, you could ask them to tell the stories they remember associated with those items. Even if none of you brought anything tangible to share, family stories can be prompted with questions. Here are some questions you might consider asking, if your family members, especially your parents, get stuck:

1. What regions or countries does our family come from? What stories do you remember about those places?

2. What holidays did you celebrate when you were young? Tell a story about a specific holiday you remember as a child.

3. What special games or food do you remember from when I was a child? Tell me about a time we played a game or had a particular meal that you don’t think I’ll remember.

4. What dances or songs do you know from when you were a child? Share a story about when you first learned a new song or dance.

5. Think of a special toy or craft or recipe from our family’s past. What is the story behind it?

6. Who in our family could teach me to make our family’straditional foods or crafts? Do you remember a time when you learned a recipe or craft from that family member?

7. What traditions have been passed down in our family? Share a time when a tradition wasn’t followed by someone in the family.

8. Who in the family has been the biggest influence on your life? What lessons did that person teach you?

9. When has our family experienced a miracle?

10. What is the one story you could share that you thinkcaptures the essence of another member of the family?

As a host, you can provide the questions, but you alsomight want to ask your parents and other family members to contribute their own questions. Everybody can participate in the family storytelling. Take turns and try not to interrupt each other, though that can be hard! Give each other a chance to share different versions of the same story. This is especially important as you consider the qualities of commitment related to accepting the different ways family members do things.You might even ask each family members to share a time when they felt like their family members allowed them to bethemselves or a time when they felt their role in the family was respected. Family stories can be fun or serious, but you should tell them from your heart. We cannot love someone we do not know, and stories help us know each other better.

   Before your time together ends, you may want to take a moment to talk as a family about the importance of familystories and having a special time to share them. Take some time to say what you thought about the family storytelling night too. As emerging adults we don’t always make the time to demonstrate our family commitment, to pay attention to our roles and responsibilities in the family,important qualities ofvaluing each other and demonstrating commitment.

     And after the family storytelling night with your family, don’t forget to come back and share your experience here! Tell us who you invited to your family storytelling night and why, where you had family storytelling night, and how it went. Which qualities of valuing each other and demonstrating commitment were present as you and your family shared your stories? What was the most interesting thing you learned? What surprised you the most about your family’s past? How do you think your family’s stories influence the way your family is today? What is one familystory you heard that you can share here? Do you think you’ll have another family storytelling night again soon? Why or why not?

    I look forward to reading about your experiences!