This week’s ritual is intended to enhance appreciation and affection (DeFrain & Stinnett, 2008). Specifically, it is intended to help each family member 1) appreciate each other and let each other know this and 2) show affection to each other, two of the qualities of appreciation and affection. Other qualities of appreciation and affection focus on being kind to each other, hugging family members, being thoughtful of each other, keeping promises, and helping family members.
This week, the ritual I want you to try with your family is a making appreciation and affection notes. I’m calling them “Love Notes”. Few of us tell our loved ones often enough how much they mean to us. And sometimes we are too busy to show our affection to each other. It can be hard to find a way to express our affection for our family members. But Love Notes are a great way to show your family members your love and your appreciation and affection for them, whether they are sitting right next to you or live far away. Love Notes make family members feel loved and feel close to each other. They are meaningful messages that let our family members know how we feel about them.
Love Notes can include short messages such as "I love you" or "You are great!" They can also be more specific statements of appreciation or affection. For example, “I am proud of you for working so hard at school.” or “Thank you for helping me prepare the food last night; you are great cook!” Daily reminders might also be included in your family Love Notes. “Don’t forget your coffee.” or “I put your sandwich in the refrigerator” are a couple of examples that demonstrate affection for a loved one. Putting a Love Note under your family member’s pillow, sticking it on the steering wheel in the car, hiding it inside a glove, or sneaking it into a purse gives your family members a surprise and the chance to read the Love Note in private.
Obviously, some of you may not live at home with your parents or other family members. Love Notes can be sent by email or text. Even better—send a handwritten Love Note in a card by snail mail to your family. Surprise them with a statement of your appreciation and affection!
Your Love Notes should be clear and easy to read. They can be fun or serious, but write from your heart. You may design your Love Note to make it even more special, even include it in a pretty box or decorated envelope. The content of the Love Note is up to you. You may write wo or three words, a sentence, a poem, or a letter. All are great! Spend some time thinking about how you want to express your appreciation and affection in a way that will be meaningful for you and the recipient of your Love Note.
This week, tell three family members, including at least one parent if you are still in contact with a parent, one thing you remember about each of them that you appreciate. Before you write anything in each Love Note, think about who the person is and she or he does that you appreciate. Maybe something they did that really touched you or made you feel good. If you’re really stuck, these sentence completions might get you started:
I've always appreciated that you are...
I love how you....
Your love notes also can refer to specific moments. For example:
I was grateful that night when you...
I do remember that moment you...
You find even more suggestions for your Love Notes here:
Love Notes and Love Lenses
To help make your Love Notes a ritual, try to choose a day and time to write them on a regular basis. You might try writing your Love Notes on Wednesday after bed, or on Thursday morning during breakfast. On Friday, you can hide them for your family members or send them to your family members. However you decide to give Love Notes, the most important thing is to make it happen.
After sending your Love Notes to your three family members, don’t forget to come back here and share your thoughts about the experience! Tell us who you sent your Love Notes to and why. Share a little about what you wrote and what it was like for you. Did you send a card? Hide a note? Or email your message of appreciation and affection? What was the response? Do you think you’ll write other Love Notes again soon? Why or why not?
To help make your Love Notes a ritual, try to choose a day and time to write them on a regular basis. You might try writing your Love Notes on Wednesday after bed, or on Thursday morning during breakfast. On Friday, you can hide them for your family members or send them to your family members. However you decide to give Love Notes, the most important thing is to make it happen.
After sending your Love Notes to your three family members, don’t forget to come back here and share your thoughts about the experience! Tell us who you sent your Love Notes to and why. Share a little about what you wrote and what it was like for you. Did you send a card? Hide a note? Or email your message of appreciation and affection? What was the response? Do you think you’ll write other Love Notes again soon? Why or why not?
I look forward to reading your opinions soon!
DeFrain, J., & Stinnett, N. (2008). Creating a strong family: American family strengths inventory. In NebGuide. Retrieved May 24, 2010, from http://www.ianrpubs.unl.edu/pages/publicationD.jsp?publicationId=1099
Devivo, K.(2013). Miki Devivo Photography. Love notes for your loved ones. Retrieved from http://mikidevivo.com/love-notes/
Devivo, K.(2013). Miki Devivo Photography. Love notes and love lenses. Retrieved from http://mikidevivo.com/love-notes-and-love-lenses/
Field , J.(2013). On a personal note: thank you. Retrieved from http://www.hallmark.com/thank-you/ideas/how-to-write-a-thank-you-note/
Kevin, J., Z.(2013). In Your Tango. Learn to write the best love notes ever. Retrieved from http://www.yourtango.com/experts/dr-kevin-zimmerman/love-notes-how-write-them-examples
Thank you poems for parents and family. (2014). In Family Friend Poems. Retrieved from http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/family/thank-you-poems.asp
I decided to send notes to my mom and sister. We used to be very close at points in our lives, but now all three of us live in three different parts of the state. I sent the notes over email for longer more heartfelt explanations, and I used texts and similar applications for fun quick messages. They responded quickly and happily. Both my mom and my sister received the messages with open arms and in return emailed and texted back. We have continued to send notes back and forth and will occasionally send group messages to talk about dates coming up that we can all meet together somewhere. Since it was unexpected it got them thinking about what we all appreciated about each other. Since I started this my sister and mom started doing the same thing with each other as well.
ReplyDeleteI am grad you like this ritual.
DeleteI decided to write all of my four children a love letter for Valentine's Day. I have always written my children letters on their birthday and I have kept them all in a safe so that they have them to read for years to come. I sent one to my son who is away at college. I put the other 3 letters on my kids' bedroom dressers. I expressed to each of them individually how proud I am of all their accomplishments and how thankful I am for making my job so easy. I am so blessed to have 4 children who are not only so kind and thoughtful, but are incredibly smart and talented. I make sure they know that. I love writing letters to my children because there is no greater love than a mother's love with her children. I highly recommend that everyone takes the time to let people know how much you care. Don't just assume they know it. Saying it or seeing it, allows them to know for sure..Next up is my letter to my husband
ReplyDeleteHow sweet! Hope to read your experience of Write Love Note to your husband in the future:)
DeleteI chose to write to my mother, sister and husband for this ritual. I have always been very close with my mom, I was that weird teenager who didn't fight with my parents and would have rather been at home on a Friday than out with friends. My mom has always been a great support system for myself and she is one who always finds a way to write us letters for anything positive that has happened in our lives. I thought this would be a great way to finally return what she has done for me. I see my mom almost everyday since she works at KSU where I attend school and also lives in the same city as myself but I wanted her to get it in the mail like I get hers. It is always a great feeling to receive something special in the mail. I wrote my letter to my mom expressing how much I have appreciated everything she has done for me in my lifetime from being a great role model to taking a job at KSU so I can be debt free when it comes to my education. I expressed how thankful I am to have someone there to support me and send me in the right direction when I'm stuck. It was nice for myself to sit and reflect on how lucky I am to have a mother like mine.
ReplyDeleteMy second letter was to my sister. My sister and I are 4 years apart so growing up I was always the younger annoying sister. We weren't very close until she moved out and we weren't one door away from each other anymore. In the letter I wrote for her I told her how I wish we could have our younger years back, less fighting and more learning from each other. She just became a mother this summer as well and I told her how proud I am of her. I also expressed how thankful I was for her to allow me to be in the room when my niece was born, the experience was unreal. When writing this letter, I honestly got a little upset after really reflecting on how much time we missed out on when we were younger due to not getting along. I sent this letter in the mail as well.
My final letter was to my husband. For this letter, I hid it in his truck for him to find later on. He found it about a week after I wrote it. I expressed my appreciation for him for working as hard as he does. We wouldn't be where we are today if it weren't for his work ethic. I thanked him for being patient as I finish school. I thanked him for taking care of me and teaching me so much about myself that I would never have known if it weren't for him. I loved writing this letter, I can't thank him enough for what he has done for me.
I loved this experience. I actually have a little stand that says "love letters" with a notepad that I have never used. I absolutely will start using it now. I think everyone should take the time to reflect on the loved ones in your life rather it be negative or positive moments. The negative moments can make you realize you need more positive in your life. This was a great strength building exercise.
You make me remembered my boyfriend's mother she always write us letters for anything positive that has happened in our lives. Like your said, It is always a great feeling to receive something special in the mail. Hope you enjoy your Love Notes ritual!
DeleteFor this ritual, I decided to mail home love letters for each one of my family members. Before I became a student at Kent State University I lived at home with my mom, step dad, sister and brother. With my busy school and work schedule, it is difficult for me to make it home to see my family as much as I would like too, so this specific family ritual was one that really benefited my family members and I. I decided to purchase one big envelope and a package of cards and mail home all of my love letters in one envelope. Inside the envelope I put each one of my family member's individual love letter, and I also put in one letter to all of my family members explaining to them that even though we do not see each other as much as we all would like too, I still appreciate them and think about them, and writing personally to each of them was a way I could show them my appreciation. Sending handwritten cards, in my eyes, was more personal than just sending text messages or emails, and I knew it would bring a smile to my family members faces. This ritual allows families to demonstrate the Appreciation and Affection category of the American Family Strengths Inventory, as it allows family members to show they appreciate each other and let each other know this, show affection to each other, feel close to each other, be kind to each other, be thoughtful to each other, and grow stronger because they have appreciation and affection for each other.
ReplyDeleteI sent my love letters home last week, and I was pleasantly surprised yesterday afternoon to come home and find an envelope with my name on it from my family. Receiving these letters made my day, and helped me realize that despite the distance, my family members and I still have a strong connection and can find ways to show our appreciation and affection for each other.
I like to read your story. Hope you enjoy it!
DeleteBoth of my parents live out of state and they are also elderly. Because of this, I think that this activity is great! My grandma and grandpa are a little behind when it comes to modern day forms of communication (texting, email). So I thought this would be a fun thing for me to do to show my love for them.
ReplyDeleteI wanted to make each of my letters really individualized. For my grandpa's I just mentioned how I appreciated the extra help he's given me financially in the past month. I also have been having a really stressful semester with unrelated school issues. Throughout this whole year he's helped me get through with a lot of kind support. I made sure to include how much that has helped me.
Each letter was really ornately decorated with some leftover crafts that I had from previous projects. I made my grandma's really feminine with lace and flowers. I thought she would appreciate the effort. I put in some love quotes and just a little note about how much I miss her and how I can't wait to see her in May.
Since my parents live out of state, I've gotten really close with a family friend Laura. She's kind of like my second mom. Laura is my go-to person when I need immediate help with something. I don't think I really let her know how much she means to me and how much I appreciate her help.
I'm excited to hear back from everyone. This activity was really fun for me. I'm glad that I could give my loved ones something tangible that expressed my love and appreciation. I hope they like it!
Ericca Granter
I like your idea write the love letter to your grandma and grandpa! It is so sweet! Hope you get their love letter back soon!Enjoy!
DeleteAfter reading this post I decided to send my grandma, brothers CJ and Lane, and my sister Sophie "Thinking of You" cards. Often times I get so caught up in my busy life and accomplishing one task after another that I do not tell my family members how I feel about them as often as I should.
ReplyDeleteIn my grandmas card, I thanked her for her continued support of me throughout my college years. I thanked her not only for her financial support but for her emotional support. She is always there for me even if I do not need anything and simply just want to talk about my day. In my three younger siblings cards I reminded them of how proud I was of them for doing so well in school. CJ is in 7th grade and is on the archery team and I wished him luck for his upcoming tournament. Sophie and Lane are in Kindergarten and I told them that I missed them bunches and would come eat lunch with them at school when I was home for spring break.
It felt nice to put on paper my thoughts. You never know what could happen so I feel it is necessary to remind your loved ones of your appreciation and love for them regularly. I do plan on sending cards to those close to me more often after doing this activity. I'm very glad I did it!
Olivia Hamilton
After reading this I decided to write my mother and dad a letter since i really dont get to see them as often as i would like to being that im about and hour away at school which makes it very difficult for us to see each other. In my card I wrote to them about that i was really grateful and thankful for them for sending me to college and keeping me motivated to get good grades and do well inacademics. Another thing i thanked them for is just being there for me because sometimes we really take that forgranted and just expect them to be there for us since they are our parents when in reallity not everyone has that luxury or is blessed with a loving mother and father like i am. Also, i wanted them to tell my brother how grateful i was just to have him in my life because even though we have had our differences growing up like many siblings do I still would be no where in life today if he wasnt there to make me who i am today.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, after doing this i felt really good about myself. I just feel that sometimes we get so wrapped up in the world that we forget the significance of the little things in life like sending a card or nice written letter rather then just sending an email or a quick text message and i really hope that i can take the time out of my schedule more often to do this to show people who i really do appreciate them for being in my life.
Tyler Mack
Interesting experience! Hope you continue to do your family LoveNotes Ritual:)
DeleteI sent the notes over email:) -- by Jenny
ReplyDelete